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What’s up, online gambling freaks? It’s February, everybody excited for Groundhog Day?
For those of you who aren’t familiar with weird-ass American holidays because you’re knee-deep in online blackjack and other casino games (or you’ve been living under a rock), Groundhog Day is the day where we find out if winter is over or we have another six weeks. According to people who know things or can at least make up a good story, on February 2nd of every year, a groundhog is supposed to crawl out of his little hole and see what’s up. You know, kind of like we drag our butts away from the computer every few days to make sure the real world is still there. “It is? Cool. Now where was I? Oh yes, Vegas Red. Come on, dealer, DADDY NEEDS A NEW CAR!!!”
If the groundhog sees his shadow, winter’s almost over. If not? That’s right, people, six more weeks of cold. I suppose we’re supposed to greet news of his shadow with great joy but to me, that just means less time I can fool my girlfriend that I’m doing important work online. Winter has been good to me with nice wins in online craps; sorry, folks, I’m just not ready to start mowing the lawn again.
We need a new holiday. How about Dealer Day? When you’re logged into your favorite online casino on February 2nd, if the digital dealer walks out and deals you a blackjack on your first hand, you’ll have six weeks of winning. If you bust, three weeks of breaking even. (What, you didn’t think I’d suggest six straight weeks of losing, did you? I have a heart.)
So Happy Groundhog Day. Whatever happens, I’ll see you online.